I recovered my paper from the drawer where I’d kept it. Then, I slowly descended the steps, casting glances right and left, scooping up more memories to recall later. That was where I’d sat with Frances, teaching him how to read. Over there, I’d worked with Carlo on catching a ball, rolling it to him over and over. On the left was the kitchen where I’d honed my skills and learned to widen my repertoire of meals, thanks to Mrs. Penn. Maybe at some future time, I could get a job as a cook, I thought, but the idea crushed me. I fought back tears, knowing that it would be a long time before I’d want to dwell among people again.
The moment I exited through the backdoor into the yard, the boys, loosened from the doctor’s hold on them, flung themselves at me.
“Take us with you, please,” Frances said.
I wanted to say yes, but that would be selfish. I shook my head. “You need school. You need stability. You need everything this town offers you.”
Carlo didn’t even attempt to beg. He was deep into his hysterical crying, devastated that I’d break my promise. For that I felt great guilt. I really did, but I knew that they’d be better without me. Mrs. Penn would be their anchor. She would provide the love they needed.
“I love you,” I told them again. It was inadequate, but it was all I had to offer them.
Willow had followed me. She ran over to Mrs. Penn, jumped into her lap and kissed her cheek with her cat tongue. I wished I could leave her with the boys and Mrs. Penn, but I knew I couldn’t. Willow loved Mrs. Penn, but she was my familiar.
I set my carryall bag down on the ground and handed the officer my bill of sale. “If you don’t believe the officialness of that, you can also speak with Mr. Henderson in person. The village is only the next one over. I can give you a list of people who can verify what I told you. I’m sorry for the necessity of needing to do so. I’ve never lied to you or to anyone.”
Officer Krugel read it over, then handed it back. “Where will you go, Shama?”
I didn’t answer him. I simply picked up my bag and went to saddle Frey. With my bag strapped in place, I called out an I love you to Mrs. Penn, then led Frey toward the gate.